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CHOOSING LIFE

Writer: Laura Brigger
Laura Brigger
Apr 5, 2024
3 min read

Updated: 22 hours ago

Noticing Where We Go Numb, Stay Small, or Stop Participating By Brex


I



There are ways to be alive without feeling very alive.

We can move through the motions.

Wake up.

Work.

Eat.

Scroll.

Sleep.

Repeat.

Nothing is technically wrong.

And yet something in us has gone quiet.

That is the kind of “death” I mean here.

Not physical death.

Not punishment.

Not failure.

I mean the places where we stop participating fully in our own lives.

WHEN COMFORT BECOMES STAGNATION

Comfort is not the enemy.

Rest matters.

Safety matters.

Familiarity can be healing.

But there is a difference between resting and shrinking.

Sometimes we stay in the known because the unknown asks more of us.

A conversation.

A decision.

A risk.

A change.

A new skill.

A boundary.

We do not have to chase discomfort for its own sake.

But if fear keeps making every important decision, our world can become smaller and smaller.

That is worth noticing.

WHEN AVOIDANCE BECOMES A WAY OF LIFE

There are things we put off because they are hard.

Sometimes that is fine.

Timing matters.

Readiness matters.

But when we repeatedly avoid the same truth, the avoidance begins shaping us.

The unpaid bill.

The conversation we refuse to have.

The relationship we know is hurting us.

The dream we never make time for.

The grief we keep outrunning.

Avoidance can offer relief.

But relief is not always the same as life.

RESENTMENT CAN KEEP US TIED TO WHAT HURT US

Anger is not wrong.

It can protect boundaries.

It can reveal injustice.

It can tell us something matters.

But when anger hardens into permanent resentment, the original wound can keep occupying more and more space.

Not because we are weak.

Because the mind keeps returning to unfinished pain.

Choosing life does not mean forcing forgiveness.

It may mean:

acknowledging what happened,

setting a boundary,

grieving what was lost,

letting go of the fantasy that the past can be rewritten,

and deciding how much more of your future the injury gets to own.

YOUR BODY IS NOT A MORAL TEST

Neglecting yourself can have consequences.

So can overwork.

So can chronic stress.

But illness, fatigue, pain, or difficulty caring for yourself do not mean you have failed spiritually.

Bodies need care, not judgment.

Choosing life may sometimes look very ordinary:

sleeping,

eating,

getting medical care,

asking for help,

moving gently,

taking medication,

canceling something,

resting before you collapse.

Vitality is not always dramatic.

Sometimes it is maintenance.

LIFE IS PARTICIPATION

To choose life, in the sense I mean it, is not to be endlessly productive.

It is to participate.

Notice.

Feel.

Respond.

Care.

Create.

Connect.

Rest.

Change when change is needed.

Stay when staying is right.

Leave when leaving becomes necessary.

Say the thing.

Listen to the answer.

Life is not only movement.

It is presence.

ASK WHERE YOU HAVE GONE QUIET

There are places in us that stop speaking because we stop listening.

Ask:

What part of my life feels numb?

What am I tolerating because changing it feels difficult?

What do I keep saying I will do later?

Where am I living by habit instead of choice?

What still makes me feel awake?

Those questions are not accusations.

They are invitations.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BURN EVERYTHING DOWN

Choosing life does not mean making reckless changes.

You do not have to quit the job tomorrow.

End every relationship.

Move across the country.

Become a completely different person.

Sometimes choosing life is much smaller.

Take the class.

Make the call.

Walk outside.

Tell the truth.

Start the project.

Ask for support.

Say no.

Say yes.

Turn toward something instead of away from it.

Small acts of participation count.

DO NOT CONFUSE PAIN WITH LIFE

Another caution.

Pain is not proof that you are growing.

Suffering is not inherently noble.

Taking risks is not automatically wise.

Sometimes the most life-giving choice is stability.

Safety.

Recovery.

Distance.

Protection.

The question is not:

Which choice hurts more?

It is:

Which choice brings me into more honest contact with what matters?

That is a better compass.

STATIC TAKEAWAY

Choosing Life Means Participating in It

“Choosing death” is only a metaphor here.

It means the places where we abandon ourselves through numbness, avoidance, fear, or endless postponement.

And choosing life does not mean chasing intensity.

It means returning to contact.

With yourself.

With other people.

With your body.

With the world in front of you.

Notice where you have gone quiet.

Notice what you keep avoiding.

Notice what still makes you feel present.

Then choose one small act of participation.

Not every silence is surrender. Not every comfort is stagnation. Not every pain is growth.

But when you know you have stopped showing up for your own life—

come back.

Brex


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