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THE POWER OF RESILIENCE

Writer: Laura Brigger
Laura Brigger
Apr 5, 2024
4 min read

Updated: 22 hours ago

How We Keep Going Without Pretending Nothing Hurt

By Brex




esilience is often described as the ability to bounce back.

I think that can make it sound too clean.

Some things do not bounce.

Some experiences change us.

Some losses leave marks.

Sometimes resilience is not returning to who you were before.

Sometimes it is learning how to live honestly as the person who came through it.

RESILIENCE IS NOT DENIAL

Being resilient does not mean:

I am fine.

It does not mean staying positive every minute.

It does not mean refusing help.

It does not mean turning every painful experience into a lesson before you have even had time to grieve it.

Resilience begins with reality.

This happened.

It hurt.

Something changed.

What do I need now?

That is strength too.

ADAPTATION IS PART OF STRENGTH

A rigid thing can break under pressure.

A living thing adapts.

That may mean:

changing the plan,

asking for support,

learning something new,

resting longer than expected,

letting go of an old identity,

or accepting that the road forward looks different from the one you imagined.

Resilience is not stubbornly doing the same thing harder.

Sometimes resilience is knowing when to change shape.

HOPE DOES NOT REQUIRE CERTAINTY

Hope is not:

Everything will work out exactly the way I want.

Hope can be much quieter.

Something may still be possible.

I do not know the ending yet.

There is one thing I can do next.

That kind of hope is sturdy because it does not require pretending.

It leaves room for difficulty and possibility at the same time.

CONNECTION HELPS US CARRY WHAT IS HEAVY

Human beings are not designed to handle everything alone.

Friends.

Family.

Community.

Counselors.

Neighbors.

People who sit beside us without trying to immediately fix us.

Connection can make adversity more bearable.

Sometimes resilience is internal.

Sometimes it is borrowed.

Someone believes for us when we cannot.

Someone reminds us to eat.

Someone makes the call.

Someone says:

You do not have to carry all of this by yourself.

That matters.

HELPING OTHERS CAN HELP—BUT NOT IF IT BECOMES ESCAPE

Helping another person can restore purpose.

It can remind us that we still have something to give.

It can pull attention outward when our own pain has become all-consuming.

But helping others should not become another way to avoid ourselves.

You do not have to become everybody else's shelter while your own roof is collapsing.

Sometimes resilience means serving.

Sometimes it means receiving.

Both belong.

SMALL ACTIONS COUNT

When life feels overwhelming, the next step may be very small.

Make the appointment.

Eat something.

Take the walk.

Answer one email.

Ask for help.

Rest.

Write down the problem.

Do the next manageable thing.

Resilience is often built through ordinary actions repeated before they feel impressive.

PROBLEM-SOLVING MATTERS

Some difficulties need compassion.

Others need a plan.

Often we need both.

Ask:

What can I control?

What can I influence?

What is outside my control?

Then spend your energy accordingly.

A problem becomes less overwhelming when it is divided into smaller decisions.

Not every situation can be fixed.

But many can be made more workable.

GRATITUDE CAN SHARE THE ROOM WITH GRIEF

Gratitude is useful when it expands perspective.

It becomes harmful when it is used to silence pain.

You can say:

I am grateful for the people who showed up

and still say:

I hate that this happened.

Both can be true.

Resilience does not require replacing grief with positivity.

It allows multiple truths to exist at once.

STOP MEASURING YOUR RECOVERY AGAINST SOMEONE ELSE'S

People recover differently.

Different histories.

Different resources.

Different bodies.

Different losses.

Different support.

Someone else's speed is not proof that you are failing.

The useful question is not:

Why am I not over this yet?

Try:

What would support me now?

That question creates movement without shame.

RESILIENCE CAN BE LEARNED

You do not have to be born unusually tough.

Resilience can grow through:

solving manageable problems,

building supportive relationships,

learning emotional regulation,

developing practical skills,

recovering from mistakes,

asking for help,

and discovering that difficult feelings can change over time.

Every challenge does not make us stronger automatically.

But challenges can reveal skills we can intentionally develop.

STATIC TAKEAWAY

Resilience Is Not Returning Unchanged

You do not have to pretend the storm did not affect you.

You do not have to become inspirational while you are still trying to stand.

Resilience can mean:

resting,

adapting,

asking,

receiving,

trying again,

or choosing a completely different road.

Help someone when helping gives you connection and purpose.

Let someone help you when you are the one who needs shelter.

Strength moves in both directions.

You do not rebuild your bones by proving you never broke. You rebuild by giving yourself what healing actually requires.

Sometimes that means becoming shelter for someone else.

Sometimes it means finally allowing yourself to step inside one.

— Brex

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